Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Fake it 'til you make it

or in my case, fake it until the femur calms.
WY I RUN... keep me on my toes

6/27: 8 Miles Easy and Elliptical (60)
6/28: 10 Mile Cutdown- 2 mile w/u, 6 mile cutdown (7:40, 7:35, 7:25, 7:15, 7:05, 6:55 - No rest), 2 mile c/d. This run felt great and hit paces easily, but the c/d felt tight and in the afternoon I knew I needed to take some more time off. The tired, pulsing sensation while sitting was not normal and whether I am being overly cautious. I need the rest.
6/29: REST
6/30: REST
7/1: REST
7/2: Swim 4350 and Yoga
7/3: Aqua Jog (60)

Weekly Tid-bits
Made this with Homemade Arugula Pesto on Friday... adapted from Jenna @EatLiveRun
Pesto Pizza

Due to the fact that I have reserved a spot at the Community Garden and had not planted it, I volunteered on Friday afternoon at an event planned by NOLS interns, raking, digging and getting dirty.

Returned to my house with a bit of heartache, only to have these at my door.... Thanks Casey

Adam and I fought our way through the heat to one of the few lakes in WY, Boysen, where the water was easily swimmable and the sand lay-able.

Concluding our evening with a potluck BBQ, yard games and friends.

Now, where the fake it 'till you make comes in. As of right now, I want to throw in the towel in regards to running. The heart ache is has put me through and way harder trails and tribulations than I signed up for. Once my femur 'healed' I was good to go. Right?? I guess this isn't always the case and set backs are common and this makes life hard. Damn it. I am rearing to go and I can't. With still some hopes of racing this coming weekend and no pain on my runs, it is an 8 day break up and then a tester and perhaps a race. I am hoping my sensations are merely an irritation but only day by day will tell. And for a girl who likes to 'control' the future as much as she can, this sucks.

One of the many perks to dating a fellow endurance athlete, is his sixth sense for the way I am feeling. Although, my frown can be taxing on him, this man's number one virtue is patience and has been dedicated to help me through.

A look into an injured runner:

It sucks, To answer your question. Imagining myself in your situation there is no doubt about it that it would suck. It would give me an empty feeling in my chest that would make not thinking about it almost impossible. It would put endless unanswerable questions in my head that would run like a ticker tape eating my emotions, probably to the point that I would almost become numb to anything else. I would want someone to make it better for me and I would get mad as hell at them when they did not say the rights things because they could never say the right thing because they think they know what it felt like, but they don't! and I can't find the words to describe it.  I would curse at the time and energy I put into things and the money I spent.  Then the emptiness in my stomach would get filled with all the frustrated emotion and it would spread almost like a burning sensation to shoulders. I would nervously become consumed in the fact I have no outlet to get this feeling out of me and I would become uneasy in almost every situation. I would feel trapped with it all, not knowing what to do or which way to go.  I would be trapped in an all consuming emotion that was driven by everything and tied down by one little thing that I can't change and don't understand why it happened to me.  

And while this feeling ebbs and flows, I have been holding on to all the hope and shining lights I can find, but sometimes, I just want to pout.


  1. I know you are a coach, but do you have a coach? I know some people get to a certain point and think they don't need one, but in my opinion in becomes even more important as you get more "consumed" with the sport. Judging by the post above, even if you do have a coach, it doesn't appear that person is doing the most important coaching for a high-level athlete, i.e. managing high expectations and even higher motivation with the pressures of LIFE. Coaching an athlete of your level is not about a transfer of knowledge, it's about perspective. Not to toot my own horn, but I know I could help you, so if you don't have/want a new coach, let me know. HowdySki {at} gmail.

  2. Hey Joe. Thanks for that and I absolutely agree. Unfortunately, with coaches, therapists and all... I am constantly working through things and am a pretty tough cookie to deal with. Oh perspective... I try to drill in the reasoning into my head and my desire to run keeps burning through. I work with Jeff Gaudette out of Boston at RunnersConnect--http://runnersconnect.net/. He has been really helpful in slowly getting me back running and consequently trying to harness my energy. I know it will be a constant battle for a while but am hoping I can be at peace with rest at some point. Any pointers for getting there?
    May shoot you an e-mail